Kamangir (Archer)

A satirical post by “35 degree“,

Do you carry condoms?

It is a lot fun to buy a condom in Iran! Of course, I agree with you that not only it is a hard thing to do, but also it could cause trouble for you. But, just for the sake of argument, let’s look at it differently. Imagine you entering the pharmacy and as if you are looking for some Acetaminophen, you go there and loud and clear, in front of everyone, you ask “Do you carry condoms?” The question of course will be different than, for example, asking for baby pads, because you’ll be asked for the type and size and make and flavor. And yet there is the chance that they sell you some stuff with pepper flavor and ultra smooth surface, something you’ll have to keep doing it for a day or two before the thing comes out.

Enough with the fantasy, they always put a guy in charge of selling condoms, because the assumption is that no lady will ever be cheap enough to buy condoms. And, obviously, ladies are not allowed to sell condoms to men they do not know, because they might think about the guy`s little thing for a moment! Such a disaster that would be! So, you go to the pharmacy and look for a guy. Let`s think that there is this guy mopping the floor and there is just one lady at the counter. Then, you`d smile at the lady and point to the man and announce that you`ll only talk in his presence. It is actually for your own benefit, because if you tell the lady that you are looking for a condom there is chance she`ll hide behind something and not come out till you are out the shop. Because, you are looking for condom, therefor you are going to have sex (shame on you!) and you are not wearing a ring, so not only you are contaminated with some disease but also you are a pervert.

…The guy who sells condoms will treat you differently, compared to when he is selling pampers, for example. When you ask for condoms, he`ll be at his worst mood. Why exactly that is, I have no idea! The guy has bought condoms and has put them on display, he has put up two huge posters, and then, when you go there to actually buy a condom, he treats you as if you are buying grass; he won`t look at you and won`t smile. He`ll give short answers to your questions and if you be a bit too friendly he`ll jump over to wherever the lady is hiding. At the end, if the cashier is a lady, the guy will put the condoms in a black bag, he`ll then take the cash and will hand it over to the lady behind the counter, as if that`s necessary for preventing microbes you are carrying, because you have supposedly had sex, to the lady. And the bag is exactly what they use when they sell ladies`pads, to stop people from knowing that the person is actually a real lady who does have periods. Similarly, no one should know that you can have an erection…